How to help an older parent get started with technology, without the frustration

If you're the one who gets the "how do I…" phone calls, you'll know the pattern: you show them, it works, and a week later the question comes back. That isn't a failing on anyone's part. Here's what makes help stick.

1. Start with what they want to do, not with the device

"Let me show you the settings" rarely lands. "Shall we get the grandchildren's photos coming to your phone?" does. Pick one thing they genuinely want, and teach only what that needs.

2. Let them hold it

The quickest way to lose someone is to take the phone and do it for them. Sit beside them, keep your hands in your lap, and talk them through it. It's slower today, and much faster next week.

3. Write it down, their way

Ask them to write the steps in their own words while you watch. A card by the phone in their handwriting beats any printed manual.

4. Make the text bigger and the sound louder

Most frustration is physical: small text, faint sounds, buttons too close together. Turn up the text size and brightness, and switch on read-aloud or captions if they help. It's in the phone's settings under Display and Accessibility.

5. Set up the safety features at the same time

While you're there, agree a family safe word for any call asking for money. Make sure they know 159 connects customers of more than 99% of the UK's retail bank current accounts with their bank, and that scam texts can be forwarded to 7726. Read more about the family safe word.

6. Keep sessions short

Twenty minutes and one new thing is plenty. Finish on a success, not on the thing that went wrong.

7. Know when to hand it over

Sometimes it's easier for everyone if someone else does the teaching. There's no history, no "I've shown you this before", and all the patience in the world. That is the reason I offer one-to-one sessions at home, and family members are always welcome to sit in.

Buying it as a gift?

A home session makes a thoughtful present, and comes as a printed gift card valid for 12 months. See the gift vouchers, or ring 07500 511462.